finger spaghetti

Friday after work i got home to our cozy little neighboorhood and they were already drinking. so I helped with that task and then showed off my new outfit for the weekend. tight gold leather like pants with a funky cowboy shirt.they loved it,and so do i. not sure what we were going to do tonight till one of the neighboor boys said his friends band was playing in hollywood and we could get in free. so we decided why not. even though were going out till 5am saturday night we figured we could be tough and stick it out like true rockstars.star was right and stayed home to conserve her energy.
before the big night we planned to make dinner.the boys were makin pasta and i had some oysters and some khale from the garden with fresh tomatoes and basil.so i dontated those,and while jesse chopped i stirred and cooked so i wasnt particularly paying attention when i heard him say ooowww! and then see him flee to the bathroom for a bandaid. yup you guessed it,the slightest tip of his finger was now somewhere in our tomatoes. it wasnt a big chunk,but still noticeable that the tip of his thumb was at somewhat of an angle.we all discussed it over and decided to eat it anyway.so i dumped the maters in the sauce and just prayed with the spaghetti roulette god that i was not the one to eat it.
minus the finger the pasta was incredible.oysters,my new fav addition to my fav dish....pasta.
The hollywood club was freakin expensive and almost blew close to my weeks budget,but after finding out that night that i was looking for a new place to live in utah nothing could have stopped me from swilling down whiskeys with a splash of water.and it was damn fun,dancing fools to bad music we were,but why not make the best out of a bad situation.
(now the utah thing is actually a blessing for me,i needed to get out and find a more stable secure place. and now im leaning more towards buying a van and being mobile.then taking the dog and my cousin and traveling down through mexico to belize and guatamala and doing whatever we want for how ever long we want untill the money runs out.)
The next day with whiskey hangovers and not much sleep we packed up and went spearfishing north of malibu.water conditions were bad with no visibility so not much fishing was done.the boys and ro' napped in the sand.
instead i roamed the beach,shirtless and in shorts,in jan. and picked up a nice winter tan,and sea urchin shells to fill with little beads so i can make shakers.and meditated in the abandoned lifeguard shack.sitting above the beach like that staring out towards the sea with the sun glistening off it to the point of blindness is when i decided i needed to get my dog and do this everyday the rest of my life.and when i told the neighboors they said "ya know funny thing is out of everyone youll probably be the one to accomplish that".
after the long day of contemplating and nothingness with complete relaxation we drove home checking out a few other beaches along the way.we got home and everyone napped but me and star. we watched movies and talked and i smoked cigs and couldnt sleep which i knew was a bad idea with the long night ahead. we were going dancing at circus which is a great club that i really enjoy going too.its never packed but just packed enough and has a great scene and a geat vibe. we stayed there till 4am.and me in a complete pot and no sleep induced coma like state made it the whole time.
arriving home craving biscuits and gravy with a renewed energy coming from nowhere,i tried to get everyone to go to breakfast with me.
now their the ones that are exhausted and told me to go to bed and wait for breakfast in the morning.so i ate cold turkey chili from the fridge,smoked cigs untill i got tired and bored enough to sleep then tucked in for a 4 hour rest.
when i was woken up for our fav sunday tradition of power breakfast at cafe 50s. which i Knew didnt have biscuits and gravy and i knew we would end up there for the morning breakfast.which is why i wanted to go out at 5am and try and find a place to satisfy that urge. im still biscuit and gravyless.
the rest of sunday was a recovery day,and im stil tired today from everything.
im gonna go sleep.....
so i think....

past weekend.and this to come

So last weekend i mentioned the work with the homeless. first it started saturday at the house.it rained all day and nothing to do but watch movies (american beauty),drink and smoke and talk. our talk turned to tears. we started talking dog talk.which gave me visions of my monkey on the dusty desert porch with those eyes and stinky breath waiting for me to come home. then relationship talk,then talk about the past and past hurtings that she had gone through.then thinking about the pain on her which asshole guys inflicted on her.and then the pain ive inflicted on others in my past.(although ive learned from those mistakes it still hurts to think about it) so our eyes welled with tears as we continued to talk smoking cigs as the rain pounded down around us.
i suggested we rip off through the city on our bikes and just let the rain drench us untill were too cold to take it anymore.but after suggesting this we realized one bike was missing. her asshole boy toy prospect took off with it in the morning and never returned.why did he never return? not cuz he stole it but because it had been stolen from him. shit,another painfull moment for her in her history with assholes.
nothing else got accomplished that day,except a few movies,a pack of cigs and a bottle of vodka.
Next day the assholes friend called. he runs an org called foodflow. they go to the farmers market and pick up veggies donated by the farmers.then we go home,sort it,and take it down to venice beach where food not bombs serves food on sundays.they needed our truck.and i needed to do some work like this for a long time. so we agreed and went on the mission. It was fantastic. the farmers were great and so generous.they donated a whole truck load.seriously the bed of the truck was full.
3 hours later,mission accomplished,my heart full,my bellys full from eating breads and raw veggies all day and i got to do something for a more than worth while cause.it completed my whole weekend.and i will do it every sunday i can while im here if at all possible. at all possible by meaning if were physically able to get up on sunday and help. we usually stay out till noon or later and are just coming home to bed by the time they are starting. and this weekend i suspect will be no different. spunday in hollywood is a great club that usually keeps us up and out all night.so now im off to shop for an outfit. i would love to go into much more detail and feelings and more in depth from everything this past week.but like i said in the last posting.this santa monica library is horseshit and only gives me an hour and i have much more to do online.

hello,hello,hello says the echo,is anybody out there.

i have much to say but 5 mins to say it. stupid computer time at this bunk ass santa monica library. you just spent like what? a trillion dollars to put this thing up and all you could give us was an hour...im going back to venice.

back to much to say. i got to help the homeless this weekend. fuckin incredible,just what i knew i needed. then i walked around drinking with the roomies,and the jasmine in the streets smells orgazmic.oh how i love it. do i have to leave you? no but i first must claim my monkey,then i can move on from there.
pfff 2mins left. we'll continue later. im going shopping. and smoking. i love payday.

Gym Job

So I got the gym job next door to tullys where I use to work. I started today and it was the most fantastic experience. The owners are awesome and love me already and were sad when I told them I might leave in march. My job basically is to answer questions about the gym,answer phone calls and take reservations for racquetball,and be friendly.pfff that's it,I can handle that from 7-1 m-f. Also I get a free membership,so after work I can run and then use the totally souped up shower facilities. What a great opp. Plus I meet a lot of people with good connections,which will hopefully lead me to my next path wherever I end up. As time flies by and gets closer to march IM seriously considering not going home,I would either stay here but live in my own place (its cramped now and I told the girls I wouldn't be there past march.) Or I would hopefully have a new path to follow.like the Galapagos. I got an offer from a travel agent to work the desk there,but it was very low key and she didn't explain much about pay,accommodations etc... So for now ill just keep that as an idea.
I don't know what it is but I only have my dog to go back to and some jobs to make some money at for the next travels. Everything seems so distant to me and after swimming in the city lights for almost 5mos by the time I get home. not sure im mentally prepared for my desert life just yet.
Ive also had the idea of stickin it out from mar-oct. and saving mass amounts of money,then i can either travel the world for a long time or hell i can do anything i want by then.
Mike goes back to europe in the summer,which i would also love to do.but if i go,i want to stay,and know i wont make that much from mar-jun to do that.
so again,im just thinking in all this,but im gonna take it like i always do,day by day and let my creator guide me along.
As for my new years,well happy 2006.shit i cant believe it.another year gone.a new one just begining.
we went to space island,another one of our rave spots. bottle of vodka deep and massive amounts of pot,pain killers,ex, whatever you wanted it was there.
we didnt even go out untill 1:30am,and didnt return till 4pm sunday night. it was loong and when i got home crashed immediatly,only to wake just before my appt. at noon for the gym on monday.confused and feeling weird,as sunday was just a day lost in a blur.
but its back on track today,i cant believe how easy the gym was,they were surprised at what a fast learner i am and how friendly i was to the members.oh and im surrounded by hottie actresses and such who are also so friendly.hehehe
but i told them i use to do this type of work for the military running the snowplow office and basically doing all of the same type of tasks.entertaining the colonels wishes and such with a smile and a good attitude.
so hopefully they will find a way to keep me for the rest of the year.more money and benefits would work,but for now,im just going to enjoy and hold on,while these next two months fly by me.
mike comes in thursday,and hopefully this weekend we head to big sur.
tonight is another rave event.some of the djs we know from the events we attend are throwing a $2 tuesday birthday party in santa monica.looks like i may have to do my social butterflying on more than just the weekends now.but its great,and puts me down with so many cool people.plus i just cant turn down the opp to social butterfly.
i flutter away now.
peace.

come on people....

at least pretend your reading what i have to say. but alas all this will be put down in some books one day,and then you can pay to read it.

so today again,another beautiful day. in the high 70s and spirits high as well. just finished dharma bums in like two days,man did it renew my energy.reading about his travels and adventures reminded me of my own,and i should have written down the beautiful words running through my minds river last night as i finished the book and went outside to ponder and have an evening smoke.my dreams have swept those words away as i tryed to recall them sitting on the 3rd street promenande smoking my cigs with any streetwalker who came by to bum one.waiting to talk to the manager at p.f changs.
the house was quiet and way too early for me to sleep. i was greeted by sweet little molly,that furry whore who lives at the end of our hood.her skin is still irritated from them switching the formula on her but its getting better,and ill help her out anytime scratching her cute little butt as she intentionally backs up against anyone willing to pet her.
we talked as i smoked,i mean i talked and she listened. feels good to have a doggie friend to keep me company while i miss my own sweet monkey,patiently waiting for me on my porch in the red rocks.if anything i hope she is still there when i return.thats my hearts biggest longing,to play with her again,maybe even take her on long jaunts through the mountains and canyons,with nobody to bother us as we wander and enjoy the beauty of the open earth,sleeping bag,food and notebook is all we will carry.i want to dissapear with her and i want to dance in the mountain meadows and roll in the red dirt like i do here in the ocean and the sand but without my doggie soul to partake and queitly listen and never judge or never complain that we trekked 20 or so miles that day. crazy this love for my dog.i think of her everyday,as much as i do all the wonderfull souls i left behind as well.

each job i applied for this week i just missed by a day or two.we just hired yesterday i heard,or monday however close it may have been. but i believe in all that worked out for the better. i will be placed where i need to be so im holding out untill then,letting the greater and wiser spirits from above hold my hand and lead me along for the ride.
I made it to p.f changs today,after my smokes in the grass and coins dropped in the cups of those less fortunate around me.
the manager loved me.probably the best response ive had so far here.he said because of the holiday rush they cant do anything now,but he def wants to set up an interview early next week so be expecting his call. i give them till wed.before i burst back in those doors smiling wildly and working my mojo to get that job.they were rockin and im sure i could make bank there. and i need it soon,because mike comes jan 5th. my traveling companion on his way to mexico.i sacrificed all winter plans for mtl,vegas,and L.a but have no regrets.its been amazing and i couldnt have asked for much more on my plate or you could label me a glutton.

I have some trips planned for his arrival.first thing is a road trip up to our favourite, big sur. for a ten mile hike through the magical redwoods and drink jugs of wine as we play with the wood sprytes and make our way to sykes hot springs.
Then maybe out to mojave where i went for the moon tribe.so we can holler at the moon and far from the city lights so we can see the stars winking at us.
wanderings down venice beach aimlessly with no cares,like i have been doing all week.
the weather still holding like the pier that was almost destroyed yesterday from the powerfull blast that mother ocean has been throwing on the shores.the biggest they say in the last year and a half. and glad i was here to witness that power. it called me as i stripped to my skivies and dove in to get blasted by this monster of white foam from some distant shore. maybe carrying the thoughts from my friends in portugal or the secrets from some little kids as they build there sandcastles and dreams and hide them in the sandy fortress.only to be swept away by the waves, burying their secrets forever from those adults who dont understand because its too simple for even their simple minds.

Im reading the prophet now from kahlil gibran.ever read? another fantastic read of just what i needed to sober me up from my fighting with the wicked spuds turned into spirits.the vodka im talking about.but i do enjoy the battles i must admit. just like the battles of wine me and mr.simpson would have before noon on the dusty desert porch.or the ones shared under the moon with sweet honey B who drifts ever farther away from my mind like the fog blowing through the city tonight.but in a healing way not a bad forgetful one.who could ever forget those words and the eyes that can pierce the soul of mother theresa.

now im off.to kiss the barbara striesands (not spelled correctly im sure,sorry barbara),the most fragant of the roses i have ever come across are blooming again on our porch. and if you have the imagination or the will to smell them,i kiss her tonight under the foggy sky and blow it your way.its that fragrant you will pick it up im sure. even in paris or portugal or moab,or wherever you happen to be tonight while in my thoughts and in my heart.
and merry christmas to those i didnt call today.im calling with the love that abides in me so im sure you will feel it anyway. if you just open up like those beauties opening on my porch.

74 degrees, jealous are ya?

Thats right my friends, i woke up today feeling renewed.partly due to not drinking last night,and partly from the gorgeaus weather that has no sign of letting up according to the weatherguesser,and partly from reading about the first 100 pages of the dharma bums,which now puts me right back into a beautiful frame of mind.
I spent this morning with hummingbirds and cigarettes before ro' took off back for florida.star popped in and also had a renewed glow about her.i skipped to the post office after the house was mine and the hot shower.then i hit the beach because the libray doesnt open till noon.
the beach was perfect,no wind,beautiful waves and very peacful.i got to meditate and read a bit.now to make a resume while im here and hit a few more places this week.
I stumbled around santa monica yesterday looking for the bank and a place to cut my hair. and found the shack,hiring for very experienced servers.i have an interview thursday,so we'll see how that goes.then i found wendy,the little chinese women who cut my hair and we talked the whole time while watching the food network and chatting about her family and the foods we like and blah blah,listening to the other chinese lady next to us complain about the parking ticket she got.oh man i would write some of the dialouge but without the accent behind it ill just save it for another time and save some words here.plus i need to get going,the quicker i get outta this concrete building the quicker i can get my feet back in the sand and head in the clouds.oh that reminds me i need bricks and tobacco for the hookah.

chasing pink ribbons under the desert moon....

so the day begins after waking up early to catch the bus with flip. no drinking today,hes off,back to germany,and me down to the beach to hopefully get a serving job.im suppose to be there at noon to talk with the owner.my bus ride took about two hours.markos in the valley and i have to catch two busses to get to the beach.two long busses.
I arrive home,shower,and head down to the bistro. this owner is impossible to catch.now hes on lunch and wont be back till 3. so ill either come back at 3 or some other day,ive been chasing here for two weeks so im just taking it and waiting for the right opp to come my way.if it happens great,if not,its a big place,im sure theres other options.
well going back at 3 was out after i arrived home. ro' and star were talking about the moon tribe that was happening that night. a collection of burners that party in the desert under the full moons. but they dont give directions untill about 2 hours beforehand.they already had the vodka flowing,a little pre-warmup for our long desert night ahead. yeah going back at 3 is now out for me.

so we drank and partied with the neighboors.took a slight nap,waited and waited and waited for directions. we should probably eat before these next 24 hours so i whipped up a divine vodka cream sauce to go with some cheese tortelleni.for being half italian i should know how to spell that but you catch what im saying.
finally birdboy called with the directions.hes coming over with bean so we can look at the map and hash out a route to take,smoke a little then hit the road. we packed light.
booze,other favors,warm clothes,a sleeping bag and water.

took about 3 long hours to get there.arriving around 1am or so.it was a long horrible drive,and i was just anxious to get there.and birdboy and bean were flying at about 90 so trying to keep up and concentrate on driving and everything was a task in the dark,and i just needed to park and start the party.
the dirt road we turned onto was the sign to start.no chance were back on freeways till we leave this place so the redneck driving started. we smiled as the second bottle for the day was tapped.and the music playing,the moon above,and the line of 7 cars behind us kickin up dust and tearing it up heading to our desert oasis for the next 24.

slight detour. we followed the car ahead of us,well we caught up to them i should say,as i was ripping up these desert roads in our big ass ford truck.we knew we should have turned right there,but they kept going straight.after about two miles i stopped and waited for the cars behind to catch up. we collabarated and decided to turn back and make a right at that bullet ridden sign.which turned out to be right. because right after that the pink ribbons started. that was our light to the end of the tunnel. the trail was small and tight for the truck.but i slammed through and we were finally greeted by the first tribe member.
told us where to park,where the fire would be and the djs etc...
for we were one of the only ones there out of twenty.the djs just got there as well so set up was still some time off and no fire yet. and its balls cold.
we walked around a bit and said hi to those who were around.then i decided to crawl into my bag in the bed of the truck.just to nap a little before it started.
my little turned into all night.
i got offered mushrooms once around 3 i think,but it was soooo damn cold,and my bag soooo damn warm and rousing from my deep sleep i just couldnt get the energy to get up. i just needed a quick awakening,but everyone went back to the party and let me slumber.
which i wasnt too mad about.i listen to my body most of the time.and when it tells me to stay and sleep.i generally listen.but i woke at around 7am.music still pumping,yelling and happy sounds coming from everywhere.
drank my vodka for breakfast and headed towards the fire which was smoldering.i stoked it up and quickly we had a nice little morning gathering around the fire.
I passing my bottle,they passing there joints.the sun rising,the warmth hitting our skin taking the icy morning chill out of the desert.and our clothes off.
just what i needed this morning. the music was great,the people even better. ive met many a cool burners since being here and i see them almost every weekend at these events we attend.
we partied all the rest of the day. dancing,sitting in circles,talking around the fire.
they finally started to winde down at around 4 i think.the music getting more chill,along with the leftover party people like us.till finally it looked just how it began with only about 20 and a few cars parked sparsely in the open desert.
sobered up a bit,i turn the key and were off.in a long long blurry daze home.trying to navigate our ship safely through the l.a highways to the cozy and long awaited bed.my back aint doing too well after that truck sleeping.
we stopped at a little country truck stop diner,the last 24 has been booze,smoke and one orange with a hard boiled egg. im ready for food now.greasy spoon trucker food.mmmmmm.
with all eyes on us and our not too normal looking attire,it didnt even matter,we strutted right in,sat down smiling and ready to feast.
mozzarella sticks up first,then the country biscuits and gravy,salad, now my main course,patty melt with fries.
brp!excuse me,still taking a few days for the grease to course through my body.
and thats about the last i remember,the drive was a blur,me barely holding on to pilot us home,but upon arrival i crashed into the bed like i had just been knocked out in the first round by mike tyson.dreams,i dont remember,which isnt new,but my long nap was just what i needed.i remember waking at the alarm,early for a pick up shift at the coffee shop.i think i slept enough hours,but im still fuzzy,and they notice at work immediatly with laughs and asking where ive been since my unemployment.so i tell them the flip69 drinking days story and the mojave story.have my bagel and soy hazelnut latte,and finish out the day,ready for this weekend at space island.
another warehouse party.the last big one of the year,with performers,many djs on many floors,art,firespinners and all that you can imagine for a long night of parties and socializing. so thats on tap for this evening.
the bar job,i went back today,and the lady was a bitch.apparently the owner never told her i was to come in and she was caught off guard.plus it was slow so she didnt think she would need me,but if i wanted to stay and take tables and train and everything without pay or tip i could.i told her maybe i would just come back later then and talk to the owner because that just didnt sound right to me.so i said call me if you need me.but im pretty sure im not going back there.except to drink on sundays when the doors band is playing.if they want me after that,we'll work something out. plus this vietnamese restaurant around the corner is interested in me and said they will let me know their decision on mon or tues.

so for now,im back to the unemployed life and not complaining.still living off my coffee shop check with one more to come on monday.so if nothing comes to fruition now then maybe the new year has just what im waiting for.i wait and see.
now i gotta go concentrate on my dress for tonight.
i have brown velvet sleeper pants with a fuzzy gold belt and my biker boots.now to find a top,glue the hair,and the party supplies are on the way and where off to space.
i should call marko.